


wrap you up in my arms (and hold you tight)

by DesertLily



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Comfort, Cuddling, Hurt/Comfort, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist Has Self-Esteem Issues, M/M, Protective Martin Blackwood, Set in Episodes 159-160 | Scottish Safehouse Period (The Magnus Archives), TMA Valentine's Exchange, Touch-Starved, Touch-Starved Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28929636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertLily/pseuds/DesertLily
Summary: Jon is extremely touchstarved.  He's just lucky Martin is there to amend the issue
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 4
Kudos: 88
Collections: TMA Valentine's Exchange 2021





	wrap you up in my arms (and hold you tight)

**Author's Note:**

> My fic for ostentenacity on tumblr as part of the TMA Valentine's Exchange. Partially used this video ( https://cinemaisgay.tumblr.com/post/615770961418043392/hugs-in-film ) as inspiration

Jonathan Sims was  _ not _ touch-starved, thank you very much! He just couldn’t remember the last time he had hugged someone or the last time he’d held someone’s hand or the last time someone had simply...held him close for no reason other than that they wanted him there. He couldn’t really remember the last he’d seen himself as  _ worth _ being held either. After all, all he did was cause problems; hurt everyone close to him or set up the stepping for them to be hurt. Self-loathing had become such a central part of his being that he had long since stopped being able to see himself out of it. Jon was the Archivist and the Archivist had caused so many terrible things.  _ The Archivist had brought about the apocalypse _ . People only grasped at him or touched him because they wanted to  _ hurt  _ him; because they  _ wanted _ something from him. No one did it because they cared. No one did it because they loved him. They did it with suffering and hidden agendas running through their mind.

But then there was Martin. Martin Blackwood was unlike anyone else Jon had ever met. He wanted to go back and scream at his younger self for how poorly he had treated him. Because how could he be that blind and dumb? How could he be so self-absorbed as to look at Martin as if he were just an inconvenience. Martin was so many things. Kind. Funny. Sincere. Maker of the best tea he had ever had. Someone that had no problem with calling Jon out on their bullshit. He was anything but an inconvenience. 

Jon was hopelessly in love with Martin. That was something he had finally come to terms with; finally managed to bring himself to upset. But...he doubted it was returned. He knew Martin had once had a crush on him. Practically everyone did. But his mind kept drifting back to Martin’s words in the Lonely. “ _ I really loved you, you know? _ ” Loved. Past tense. Not love or in love with but loved. Had...Had he lost his chance? Had his time as Peter Lukas’s puppet and serving the Forsaken shown Martin the truth? Had it shown Martin just how unworthy Jon was of his love. 

The thought was suffocating. 

Everything was suffocating. 

Everything was too much. 

That was how Jon found himself curled up so tightly on the bed. Martin was in the living room, trying to write something and take his mind off of the absolute hellscape outside. He had no reason to check on Jon. So he was left alone with his thoughts - very few of which were good. He kept thinking back to everything from before; all of his countless mistakes. He’d caused so much harm to everyone close to him and it was overwhelming. It was a weight pressing down on him. He wasn’t worthy of having people care. He wasn’t worthy of being loved. He wasn’t worthy of so much as being  _ touched _ . He- 

Suddenly, a hand was gently pressed against his arm. 

“-on? Jon? What’s wrong?” His eyes snapped open to see Martin sitting beside him, gently moving a hand to wipe away the tears streaming down Jon’s face. He hadn’t even realised he was crying. It still wasn’t enough to stop him leaning into the touch, though; savouring the brief moment of affection for as long as he could. “Are...are you alright.” 

It took him a few moments to fully gather his thoughts enough to speak. “I don’t think I’ve been alright in a long time.” His voice was barely above a whisper but it was still enough to cause Martin’s worried expression to soften. “I’ve caused so much damage, Martin. I-I’ve hurt so many people.” 

“Oh, Jon…” Then both his arms were wrapped around Jon and he practically sunk into the embrace, clinging to Martin as if he were the only thing keeping him anchored to the world. In a way, he probably was. “This...This isn’t your fault. Well, some of it is but we’re all adults. Everyone made their choices -  _ I made my choices _ and none of that is on you.” It would be a long time before Jon would even slightly begin to believe the words but there was something reassuring about hearing them outloud; about hearing them from Martin. 

His arms tightened as he buried his face in Martin’s chest, just breathing him in and trying to hide away from the world. “But I ended the world. I-I completed the Watcher’s Crown; I brought about the apocalypse! That’s my fault…” The smallest amount of hysteria filled Jon’s voice. “I’m not worthy of anything. Least of all you. Just...Just as well you only used to love me.” 

Martin tensed up, pulling back to meet his eyes. “Is that what you think?” He waited for Jon to nod. “I said that because I thought I’d never see you again. I-I thought I was going to leave forever and I needed you to know. I never stopped loving you. Not for a moment. You frustrate me and sometimes you make me exasperated but I still love you, Jon. I’m still in love with you.” 

“Oh.” Because what else could he say about that? What could he say about how at ease his heart felt? Because Martin Blackwood was in love with him and not even the end of the world changed that. “I love you too.” He couldn’t pinpoint when exactly he had begun to care about Martin and he certainly couldn’t pinpoint when he had fallen in love with him, but it was true. “More than anything.” Because he really was all Jon had anymore. Because everything else had gone. Everyone else had left him behind. But not Martin. Never Martin. 

“C’mere…” Martin moved to lay on the bed, tugging Jon close as he did. “I’m here with you. I love you. No past tense. No hesitance.” He wrapped his arms around him tightly as if they were a barrier protecting Jon from the rest of the world. He couldn’t say how long they laid there together and quite frankly? He didn’t care to count. Because Martin was holding him with no ulterior motive. He was holding them because he cared about him and just...wanted him close. Jon hadn’t realised how much he had needed it. 

Every fear and worry seemed to melt away, because he was being held in Martin Blackwood’s arms and there wasn’t a single thing that could matter more. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated or hmu @ desert-lily on tumblr!


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